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A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee.The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner.

The man, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty.As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee. The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders.

As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full.After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to the man and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?"The man says, "Two's fine."She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and into his cudrops themp."And cream?" she asks.The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, "You wouldn't dare!"

Phoebe, a blonde city girl, marries an Australian dairy farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Phoebe, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"

Then the farmer leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Phoebe takes him down to the barn.

They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one... right here."

Terribly impressed by what he thought just might be another dizzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Phoebe explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, "I guess it's to hang your trousers on."

A young guy was complaing to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.

She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed.

Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife, replied the Boss. Whenever she got out of hand I'd take her pants down and spank her.

Shaking his head the young guy replied, that doesn't work. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore

Jokes - Campfire

Saturday, December 05, 2009 | View Comments

There's a Marine, an Airforce Commando, a Navy Seal and a Green Beret sitting around a campfire telling each-other how mean and tough they are. The Marine says - "I can swim 50 miles and bite the head off a live chicken. One Marine is worth 5 other men." The Airforce Commando says - "I can clear runways one-handed and kill a man with my bare hands. One Airforce Commando is worth 10 other men." The Navy Seal says - "Yeah? Well I can dive up to 90 feet without air, and I'm an expert in demolitions. One Navy Seal is worth 13 other men." The Green Beret just sat there all this time saying nothing, stirring the fire with his dick.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good, " said the teacher.

"Now, Lucy?" "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. The moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't fuck with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."