Welcome to the chutkule and if you enjoyed being at the blog. Please bookmark us and visit daily for new jokes.

Our Santa gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I m having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Balvinder is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
Our Santa slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, covering on the closet floor.

"You bastard," says Santa, "my wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

Santa went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time. Santa took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.

"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.

"I had a childhood disease called Tolio."

"Don't you mean polio?"

"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."

Santa then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.

"What happened to your knees?" she asked.

"Well, I also had Kneesles."

"Don't you mean measles?"

"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."

When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"

video

Santa goes into a very exclusive hotel for a night with a call girl and asks for a room. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever.

In the morning Santa and the girl came to settle the bill and were surprised to find the amount to be over $3000.

"How's this? We ve only been here one night!" Santa was annoyed.

"So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis course, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up."

"But we didn't use any of these!" explained Santa.

"If you didn't use - that's your problem," came the reply.

"In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said Santa.

"What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didn't sleep with your wife!"

"If you didn't use - that's your problem!"

Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.'

His second friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.'

Santa says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.'

Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

'No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.'

A russian, an american, and a blonde were talking one day.
The russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The american said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot, you'll burn up" said the russian.

To which the blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

Blonde lawyer: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

**********************************

Blonde lawyer: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Blonde lawyer: Did he kill you?

*********************************

Blonde lawyer: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Blonde lawyer: How many were boys?
A: None.
Blonde lawyer: Were there any girls?

*********************************

Blonde lawyer: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That's me.
Blonde lawyer: Were you present when that picture was taken?

*********************************

Blonde lawyer: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Blonde lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?

*********************************

Blonde lawyer: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on March 12th.
Blonde lawyer: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Blonde lawyer: What were you doing at that time?

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

A blonde teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me ...

Mother : What she said?

Blonde: babies come out of the same place where boys put their things?"


"Yes, dear," replied her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up, and she wouldn't have to explain it in detail to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," responded the blonde teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.

Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his "tool of the trade". But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk.

He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk.

Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET - MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET

MEN: A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT: MAN

SYMBOL: Ego

DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs.

OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars".

Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.

2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense.

3. Melts if treated like a God.

4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.

5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.

6. Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is attracted to quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.

2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.

3. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.

4. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.

5. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.

6. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.

7. Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & #6.

8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

9. Is impervious to embarrassment.

10. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM - MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET

WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis

ELEMENT: Woman

SYMBOL: Wo

DISCOVERER: Adam

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 75 to 550 lbs.

OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered with a painted film.

2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.

3. Melts if given special treatment.

4. Bitter if incorrectly used.

5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason.

4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.

5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

3. Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.

2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both son. God is both."

After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

"Daddy, does God love children?"

"Yes son, he loves all children."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina.

He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge."

A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!"

She replies, "I lost it, honey."

A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?"

Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"

A boy sitting on Santa's lap and Santa puts his finger on the boys nose and says "I bet your name is (spells out ) J i m m y ?"

The little boys eyes light up and Santa puts his finger on the boys nose again and says " I bet you want a (spelled out ) b i k e ?"

Little Jimmys eyes light up and he asks "How'd you know that ?"

Santa replied "Because I'm Santa I know everything".

Little Jimmy gets a funny look in his eye and says "I bet you like (spells out ) g i r l s ?"

Santa says "Yes, how'd you know that ?" The boy says " Beacause your finger smells like P U S S Y !"

Husband apni biwi ke yahana chutti manaane jata hai.Ek din biwi se kehta hai aaj sex ho jaye.
Biwi : nahi merem papa ke ghar hain hum log.
Husband : To kya mere baap ka ghar randikhana hai jo roz tayaar rehti ho
*************************************************************

Mullaji begum ko surprise dene ke liye apne neeche ke baal katwa diye.Jab raat ko mullaji aur unki begum so rahe the to begum ne haanth phiraya aur boli are gupta ji aap kab aa gaye.
*********************************************************************************
Teacher student she: girls apna mobile apni uper ki jeb main kyun nahi rakhti.
Student: kyonki vibration se doodh kahni dahi na ban jaye.
*********************************************************************************
Ek insaan ko kya chahiye :
1 ladki jo use pyar de.
1 ladki jo use achha khana bana ke de.
1 ladki jo use apna dil de.


Aur ye teeno ladkian apas main kahi na mile.



Videos - Wooden Spoon

Friday, June 20, 2008 | 0 comments |


One day a lady from the church had come over and had given a gift for all the wonderful sermons that her husband has given.

Mrs. Johnson had said, "Thank you very much but what is it?"

The lady said, "It is a Damn ham."

Mrs. Johnson looked shocked and said, "Don't speak that way to me, don't you know that I am the preachers wife!"

The lady said, "Yes, yes I know, but that is the brand name of the ham!"

Mrs. Johnson said, "ooh I see well thank you" and the lady left.

Later that night when Mrs. Johnson was cooking dinner the preacher came into the kitchen and said, "Mmmm! That smells really good! What is it?"

Mrs. Johnson said," Well thats your dinner tonight, some Damn Ham"

The preacher was shocked and said, "Don't speak to me that way! Don't you know who I am?"

Mrs. Johnson said, "Yes, yes! I know who you are! It is just the brand name!"

The preacher said, "Oh! I see! Well it smells great!"

That night when dinner was ready she had set it out on the table. The corn, mashed potatoes, rolls, and ham!

When the family sat down they said their prayers and began to eat. The preacher said to his wife, "Could you please pass me some of that Damn ham?"

The wife said "sure".

Then little Johnny said, "Alright dad! While you're at it can you pass me the fucking mashed potatoes!"

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'

Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".

His teacher replies "NO"

Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".

"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.

Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".

She again says "NO".

"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.

"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.

Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"

Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".

Little Johnny likes to gamble.

One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.

Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."

So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him."

The teacher says OK, she can handle it.

The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."

She says yes I know who you are.

Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt."

The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.

She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.

That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.

So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost."

The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem."

Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he'd see your ass before the day was over."

Videos - Future Mumbai Roads

Wednesday, June 18, 2008 | 0 comments |

video

Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...

Little Johnny was talking a walk down the street when he found something on the road. He was not sure what it was and was playing with it when this man came running towards him out of breath.
"Hey kid that is mine. Can I have it back please?" the man said
Little Johnny said, "Well i found it first."
The man was getting mad because it was a condom and he needed it, then he remembers he has a loney in his pocket and says, "hey little boy i will give you this loney if i can have that.. er.. donnut."
Little Johnny is pleased with the deal and the next thing you know he's back home with a really big smile on his face.
Little johnny's mom noticed this and said, "Why are you so happy then?"
Little Johnny replied, "Because this man on the street gave me this loney for this donnut I had, but what he doesn't know is I licked all the jelly out first."

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?"

"He was on top ", she replied.

"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears.
"What's the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not

A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classoom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste."

After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being
the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”

One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.

"Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?"

"Have you tried sandpaper?" Pinocchio hadn't, so he went to try it.

"Pinnochio," said Gepetto a few weeks later. "How is the problem work out with your

"Girlfriend?" said Pinnochio. "Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?"

Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 : )

Dear Tech Support team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other
programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and
Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work
on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,

"A Troubled User"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a
Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once
installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed
not to allow this.

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software
augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately
you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to
normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, weep 3.0, Cook

1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
additional software.. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Good Looking Secretary
3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support ...

A women was pregnant with triplets.

One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.

She goes to the doctor who tells her her children will be all right, one day the bullets will come out.

So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.

The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHOOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"

On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" she goes "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

It was a hot day outside..so the three nuns decided to take off there clothes and bolt the door to there church.

Since there was stain glass windows, nobody could see inside, and the door was locked.

The nuns were busy doing renovations when a Thud Thud Thud hit the door.

The shocked nun ran to the door and pulled her clothes up over herself, when she asked "Who is it"?

The reply from behind the door was "Its the blind man".

The 3 nuns looked relieved when they heard he was the blind man, no sight no problem they figured, and let him in.

Upon opening the door, in entered a burly man in coveralls and said "Holy shit sister nice tits!! ... Where do you want your blinds? "

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".

So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.

So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it.

The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt."

Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".

Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...."

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.

He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter's purses.

So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my god, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes."

So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse and finds an empty can of beer. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter drinks."

So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she finds a used condom. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter has a penis

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every
step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not
be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"

The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.

But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.

Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?"

The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it."

He soon falls asleep.

Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.

Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it's neck, stepped on it's eggs, and burned it's nest."

Paddy was walking through a town one day when he say a shop with a notice in the window. The notice said "We sell everything". Paddy could not believe this so he went inside. He walked to the counter and asked the salesperson, "Do you really sell everything?" The salesperson said "Yes, everything".

Thinking this was too good to be true Paddy said "OK then could I have a jumper for a chicken?". The salesperson said "A jumper for a chicken?, hold on I will have to check the stock out the back". Five minutes later, the salesperson returned with a brown paper bag. "Here you go, one jumper for a chicken"

"How much?" asked Paddy.

"Three quid." replied the salesperson.

"Three quid for a jumper for a chicken - excellent." said Paddy. So away he went as happy as larry. When he got outside he thought to himself that maybe he was done, so he looked inside the bag. At the bottom of the bag was a condom.

He was mad and stormed back into the shop. He screamed at the saleperson "Hey, I asked you for a jumper for a chicken and you have given me a condom - whats going on?"

The salesperson replied, "Sorry mate, I checked in the back and we seem to be all out of jumpers for chickens, all we had was a pullover for a cock."

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog."

And the clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate."

The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair."

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said "Karate my ass!"�

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting
on a fence and you shoot one of them,
how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4,
but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says,

"I have a question for YOU.There are three women sitting
on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking
the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top
and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the
wedding ring on...

.....but I like your thinking."

One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night".

So he says "ok" and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night.

The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says "if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night.

So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry.

The man says "To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him".

A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar.
They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The others agree that sounds like a good place.

Then the American says, "Yeah,that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"

"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"

"No," replies the Irish guy, "but it happened to me sister!"

A blonde goes horse back riding. It starts out slow, but then it starts to gallop. The blonde is enjoying herself. All of a sudden she slips off and her foot gets caught in the reins. The horse doesn't stop and the blonde is still being dragged upside down. She doesn't know what to do. Finally the Wal-Mart manager comes and unplugs it.

There are 3 people standing in front of a magic mirror. The mirror gives you anything you desire if you tell it the truth, but you disappear if you lie. The first person to talk to the mirror was a very fat brunette. She walked up to the mirror and said "I think I am the thinnest person in the world." and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. The next person to come up to the mirror was a very ugly red head. She told the mirror "I think I am the prettiest person in the world" and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. Lastly came the blonde. She walked up to the mirror and said "I think..." and poof, the mirror gobbled her up.

Day1:
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 3:
"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25.

Adult jokes - No Dicks

Thursday, June 12, 2008 | 0 comments |

There were once three guys with no dicks. They all went to the doctor's. The first guy says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!" "What's the problem?" asks the doctor.

"I have no dick!"

So the doctor gives him a metal dick and tells him to come back in a week.

The next guy comes in and says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!"

"What's wrong?" the doctor asks.

"I have no dick!"

The doctor gives him a wooden dick and tells him to come back in a week.

The last guy comes in and has the same problem. The doctor gives him an electrical dick, and also tells him to come back in a week.

A week later,the first guy with the metal dick goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, I hate you, I hate you!"

"Why?" asks the doctor.

"Well, everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she starts to shiver!" He walks out.

The next guy with the wooden dick comes in and says, "Doctor! I hate you!"

"Why?" the doctor asks.

"Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters up there!" He walks out.

The last guy with the electrical dick walks in and says, "Doctor, doctor! I love you, I love you!"

"Why?"

"Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, her boobs light up!"

A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings.

It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her "you have the nicest breasts". She says "thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you".

He replies "I would pay you $10 just to see one of them". She thinks for a minute and decides to do it.

He says "Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw....I will give you another $10 if you show me both at the same time".

She does it, and he gives her the money. The friend leaves and her husband comes home. She says "your best friend just stopped by". He answers "Great did he leave the $20 he owed me"

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.

What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... God, I miss him!

"But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the husband, "but, why?" "Duh; you're a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"

Adult jokes - Condoms

Wednesday, June 11, 2008 | 0 comments |

Which condom would you use....

Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey-- you never know.

California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.

Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.

The Carl's Jr. Condom: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face...

General Electric: We bring good things to life!

AT&T condom: 'Reach out and touch someone.'

Bounty: The quicker picker upper.

Microsoft: where do you want to go today ?

Energizer: It keeps going and going and going....

M&M condom: 'It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!'

Chevron: use them? people do.

Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the border

MCI: for friends and family

Double Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!

The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winter

Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta's ready when you are

United Airlines travel pack: Fly United

The Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before

Wendy Condoms: Where's the beef?

Denny's Condoms: $1.99 Grand Slam

Mazda Condom: It Just Feels Right!

Maxwell House: Good to the last drop!

McDonalds condom: Over 99 billion served

Hewlett Packard condoms: Expanding Possibilities

Burger King: Have it your way

Dairy Queen: We treat you right

AOL: So easy to use, no wonder it's #1

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.

SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:

Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor.

Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

This fella goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, I've got a rash round my cock, have you got anything for it?"

The doctor said "put this on and come back next week if it doesn't work."

The bloke comes back the next week and the cream hadn't worked so he tells the doctor and the doctor gives him more cream and tells him to come back next week if it doesn't work.

The bloke comes back and the cream still hasn't worked so the doctor says "Drop your pants."

The man drops his pants and the doctor has a look and tells him to put a different cream on. The man then says "Doctor it's worked!! What was that?"

The doctor replies "Lipstick remover"

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an
18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think
about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an
elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when
he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his
umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit
sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang,
bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

A man and a woman met at a bar. They started getting along really well and they decide to go to her place for a drink.
A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands. He then took off his socks and washed his hands.
The woman looked at him and said, "You must be a dentist."
Flabbergasted, the guy responded, "Why yes! That's amazing; how did you determine that?"
The woman replied, "Easy. You keep washing your hands."
Well, one thing led to another, and they migrated to the bed. Things became more and more passionate and they made love.
After their passionate deed was done, the woman remarked, "You must be a GREAT dentist!"
The doctor was very surprised, and said, "Yes! Yes! I sure am a great
dentist. Wow! You amaze me! And how did you know that, my dear?"

His lover retorted, "That's easy. I didn't feel a thing."

Santa and Banta walk into a bar scamming for two-legged females.
Santa says, "Hey, check out the girl over there. I'll bet she's really hot in bed!"
He proceeds to go over and make small talk with her. Before long, they both leave for a one-nighter.
The next day, they meet up and are again scamming for anything that breathes.
This time Banta goes over to the same girl, pinches her in the rear, and the two were off for a quickie.
Fifteen minutes later, Banta comes back and compares notes with Santa.

Santa says, "I think my wife is better."

Banta nods his head and says, "Yeah, your wife is much better!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping out one night. Tonto, after having a very bad dream, woke up to see the stars up above him. He woke the Lone Ranger and said to him, "What you think?"

The Lone Ranger replies reassuringly, "Well, Tonto, it's like this, God gives us miracles in life. Each day is a new beginning, just like every night there's a new star in the sky. What do you think?"

Tonto looks at him, confused and says, "Tonto think someone stole tent."

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

Engine failure

Saturday, June 07, 2008 | 0 comments |

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Delhi to Kolkata, the captain
announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There
is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than
scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”Thirty minutes later
the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will
take an additional two hours. But don’t worry. We can fly just fine on
two engines.”An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has
failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t
worry. We still have one engine left.”A young Sardar passenger turned
to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine,
we’ll be up here all day!”

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a sardar standing
in the middle of a huge field of grass.He pulls the car over to the
side of the road and notices that Santa is just standing there, doing
nothing, looking at nothing.The man gets out of the car, walks all the
way out to the sardar and asks him, “Ah excuse me sir, but what are you
doing?”Santa replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”"How?” asks the
man, puzzled.”Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are
out standing in their field.”

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.

Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
-------------------------------------------------------

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?

Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.

Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi

petrol se start hoti hai.
-------------------------------------------------------

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why

are you removing a wheel from your auto.

sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
-------------------------------------------------------

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He

gave

Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the
block?" a little girl asked. "No, I don't think so. Fifi is in heat,"
replied the mother. "What does that mean?" asked the child. Embarrassed
and not wanting to get into a
biological discussion with her young daughter, the Mother said, "Oh,
just go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."



The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Fifi for
a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Fifi was in
heat,
and that I had to come talk to you." Not wanting to have the
biological discussion
either, the father said, "Bring Fifi over here." He took a rag, soaked
it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it. "Okay, now
you can go for a walk but keep Fifi on the leash and you can only go
around the block once."



The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on
the leash. "Where is Fifi?" her father asked.
"She should be here in a minute," advised the daughter. "She ran out of
gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

Adult jokes - Bus Stop

Thursday, June 05, 2008 | 0 comments |

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

sardar breaks an egg 2 make an omlet.
he finds d egg empty . . . gets frustrated &
say's "iski maaki,aaj kal murgian bhi abortion karati hai!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
santa:banta yeh automatically kya hota hai?
banta: oye tenu eh v nhi pata santa. dear jab auto main koi ganji
ladki ja
rahi ho to usse kehte hain auto-me-takli.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
q: a man asked santa, "akal badhi ya bhains? "
a: santa bola, "pehle date of birth to batao."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what's ford?
santa: gaadi.
what's oxford?
santa: so simple, bail gaadi.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
nurse: congrats santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
santa: meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
petrol ke rate badhne par santa bola: "menu koi farak nahin penda.
pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."

Santa Singh was waiting eagerly as his wife was delivering a baby .It was a very long wait for him.Finally the nurse came out holding the baby in her hands.Santa Singh holds the baby and starts shouting
" OYE PUTTAR HUA HAI ".
The nurse screams in an irritated voice "LEAVE MY FINGER YOU FOOL"

Santa Singh used to pass through a road while going home.There was a beggar sitting on the road.Whenever Santa used to pass through the road he used to give 1 rupee to the beggar.After a few years suddenly Santa stopped giving him 1 ruppe and started giving him 50 paise .The beggar was dissapointed but didn't say anything to him.
Again after a year Santa started giving him 25 paise instead of 50 paise.The beggar got curious and asked Santa "babuji pehle aap mujhe 1 rupaiya dete the fir mujhe 50 paise dene lage.ab achanak 25 paise de rahe ho!!! Kya hua babuji gareeb ke pet pe laat kyon maar rahe ho ?"
Santa replied "Bhai dekho pehle main akela rehta tha to mere uppar koi zimmedaari nahin thi.isliye main tumhe 1 rupaiya deta tha.fir meri shaadi ho gayi beewi agayi to kharccha badh gaya isliye tumko 50 paise dene laga aur ab mera beta ho gaya to isliye tumhe abse 25 paise diya karunga"
To this the beggar angrily retorted "abe to kya apne biwi bacche ko mere kharche pe paalega?"!!!!

what is the similarity between a sardar & a donkey both moves towards the
road transport as they grown up
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sardar aaj maine paani ko ullu banaya
2nd sardar: wo kaise?
1st sardar: aaj maine nahane k liye paani garm kiya aur thande se naha
liya.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
sardar: yar meri biwi pani se bohat darti hai,

friend: acha wo kaise?
yar kal me ghar aya to wo bath tub mai bhi security guard k sath bethi
thi.!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
sardar: yaar meri biwi ghar chodkar bhag gai..

mona: tune use pyar se nahi rakha hoga,
sardar: nahi yar sagi behan se bhi badkar rakha tha..
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
yamraj took a sardar on tour to hell. there he saw gandhi dancing with
bipasha.
he asked:gandhi de saza ini mazedar kyon?
yamraj: saza ta bipasha nu diti hai..