A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops. "Yes," says the blonde. "Are their lights on?" The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."
I talk, he talk; Why do you middle middle talk?
(beech, beech = middle, middle)
"Hey, u guys, please keep quiet. The president is rotating outside"
"Donot smoke and spoil the botany of ur body"
" Open the windows, open the windows, let the climate come in "
" Why are you naat filupping the blanks ? "
Advice to father thinking about whether he should let his daughter continue her studies
or get her married : " Vell, if you wantu study her, then study her. If you want u marry her, then
marry her ."
Prof to students hanging around the corridors during exams :
" Do not revolve in the corridors in front of the examinations "
" Don't talk like that in front of my back "
""Dont stand in front of my back"
" Louly hair cutting. Hair cutting, current drying . No shock. "
" Florida paan shop. Prop: Raju . B.A, M.A. "
"Repeat again please!"
"Mistake became wrong!"
Did you cut the tickets for the film, yet?
Pliss, close the fan!
He/she's my cousin brother/sister
He/she's my co-brother/sister
Galatfehmi ka shikar hona:: to be hunted down by misunderstanding.
Izzat ko mitti me milana:: To mix one's honor in mud
Maro saale ko:: Hit the brother in law
Meri izzat ki naak cut gayee:: My honors' nose has been chopped off
Kiske saath moonh kaala kiya? :: Who have you blackened your face with?
naak mein dum karna:: to strengthen the nostrils
An instructor explaining the working of pendulum:
" Take an elephant of negligible weight"
heard in kitchen: No, No I don't need chair i can stand eating
It's so hot! Please on the fan no.
Instructor: "Take a copper wire of any metal...and pour a liquid solution of sul
phuric acid in a round bottom flask of any shape.. "
A gardener scolding three kids : " Both of u three, don't under-stand the tree " !!
"Open the doors of the window, and let the atmosphere come in "
Pune'ites, and Bombay'ites will understand this - " This is not 'parvadable' "!!!
"Issac New Ton is great scientist. In India, apple falls on head and he go back to invent Gravity. He is friend and follower of Mahatma Gandhi in fight
for freedom.There is a statue to him with long coat and long hair. He great
"A cow has 2 horns with sharp points and Bull between tham. It has 4 legs and stands on its own feet". It ended with a touch of logic, "A cow gives milk
which we drink. Therefore, it is our mother."
"You three, both of you kneel down together separately"
"There is no wind in the ball (deflated football)"
"Run with the fence" (alongside)
"Look at the line on your back" (falling in line)
"Apply Apply, No reply" (common one)
"Why aren't you kneel downing?"
Look at the climate man, it's too hot to play.
If you talk, I'll kneel down (Always wished he would, but found out that, that's not what he meant)
Cuckoo, Blaady (Kick you, bloody...)
The principal just passed away.
Who took out the breeze of my cykill.
Meet me behind the class (meant after the class).
My cykill is understanding the tree.
Open the windows and let the atmosphere come in"!
Open the windows and let the AIR FORCE come in"!
• God determines who walks into your life. You decide who stays & who walks out. Send this to people you never want to lose, I just did...
• Loving you could take my life, but when I look into your eyes, I know you're worth that sacrifice!
• Heaven is the place where I would be, the day you would stop loving me!• Some people have nice eyes... some people have nice smile, others have nice faces, but you have all of them with a nice heart!
Having snuck out with a very cute young woman that he met at a party, Banta, exhausted from hours of hot sex, woke up at her apartment at 3 A.M.
"Oh God!" Banta thought, "Jeeto's gonna kill me!"
Trying to figure out how he would explain this to Jenny without getting whacked with a frying pan, inspiration struck first.
Banta dashed out to the nearest pay phone, dialed his home number quickly, and breathlessly said, "Jeeto, Jeeto! Don't pay the ransom!!!
A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for a 69er."
She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."
They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.
She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."
He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."
The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said,"Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?""There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.The receptionist replied snottily, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?""I can't piss out of it," the man replied.
"You moron!" the second blonde yells. "The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective. They’re for the other side of the house."
A gorgeous young blonde was visiting her new doctor for the first time. She was escorted to the small patient room and left alone to wait. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the examination.Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and the doctor stepped in.
Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.
"Miss... uh..." he said, looking at the chart to get his eyes off her significant assets, "Smith!" he said, finally finding her name. "It seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."
A couple had two little boys ages 4 and 8, who were excessively mischievous.
They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief
occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that the father of the church had been successful in disciplining
children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The father agreed, and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent
her 4-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the father
in the afternoon.
The father, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and
asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with
his mouth hanging open. The father repeated the question. "Where is
God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So the father raised
his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into
his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in
the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in big trouble
this time! God is missing and they think we did it!"
Girl:Me tumse shadi nahi ker sakti
isliye ye lo apne love letters
or mere mujhe wapis karo!
Boy bari c basket samne rakhte howay,
Is me se jo jo tumharay hain nikal lo!
Message of the year:-
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple…
A woman does not have a wife..!!!
Biwi(Ghusse Main): Tumhare Dimagh Main To
Sirf Gobar Hi Bhara Hai..!!
Man: Sir, my wife is missing.
Postmaster:bhai ye post office hai,
police station me complain dijiyee.
Man:Kia karon, khushi k mare
kuch samajh nahin aa raha
When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?"
"Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox.
"Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out."
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
After the shameful defeat of Indian cricket team in
2007 Worldcup, the team members were not able to
show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and
rather just pack up in hotel rooms.
Dravid could not resist for too long. So he disguises himself as a
Sardar and goes out. he meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets
him "Hi Dravid!"
Surprised for having been caught he comes back and
makes himself up as a muslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet same
again - the same woman greets him "Hi Dravid!".
Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another
try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain
- the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dravid!".
Bewildered by now, he could not help asking,
"How did you recongise me?"
The lady replied - "Ssshhh...Main hoon yaar. Tendulkar"
This is somthing very interesting and good for your blog i found on andy coates site , if you take part you WILL get lots of backlinks
Please restrict your Viralink to 100 stars, it is noted that any 1 page
with over 100 outbound links may be recognised as a link farm by
google. Or alternativey split your Viralink accross 2 pages.
———copy and paste the Viralink and instructions below this line———
Below is a matrix of 120 stars, I have already added a link to my blog onto one of the stars, all you need to do is copy and paste the grid into your link and add your own link to one of the other spare stars, and tell others to do the same!
When I receive a ping back once you have
added the Viralink to your site I will add your link to this grid, and
each person who copies the grid from here will also link to your site!
No Porn Sites
Only 1 link per person (i.e don't hog the viralink!)
Please don't tamper with other peoples url's
———copy and paste the Viralink and instructions above this line———