Welcome to the chutkule and if you enjoyed being at the blog. Please bookmark us and visit daily for new jokes.

ARROGANT FART= When you think your farts don't stink.
ASSUALT FART= A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arise.
TIRE FART= You can't control the blow out.
JAIL FART= Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its great escape.
DONKEY FART= Your ass is the only one that can do it.
GHOST FART= You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it.
SHOE FART= When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes.
OLD FART= You know how old it is by how bad it smells.
ALZHEIMER FART= A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp.
NOT-ME FART= When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the person behind you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!"

Jokes - She knows

Friday, February 27, 2009 | 0 comments |

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A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.

This time the sister is crying and her brother says...

"Now she knows."

Jokes- 10 Worst Company Domains

Thursday, February 26, 2009 | 0 comments |

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough consideration:
1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company… www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com

Pictures - Baby burger

Thursday, February 26, 2009 | 0 comments |


baby burger

A little girl and her mother were shopping. The girl asks her mother "How old are you?" Mommy says Honey, women don't talk about their age, you'll learn later on in life."

The girl then asks, "Mommy. How much do you weigh?" Mommy says, That's another thing women don't talk about, you'll find out when you are grown up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother asks, "Mommy, why did you and daddy get divorced?" Mommy says, "Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl is frustrated. She tells her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's drivers license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything."

The little girl and her mother are shopping again. The girl says, "Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 32 years old." Mommy is very shocked! She asks "Sweetheart how did you do that?" The girl shrugs and says, "I just know, and I know how much you weigh. You weigh 120 pounds." The mother is flabbergasted. She asks, "Where did you learn that?" The little girl says, "I just know, that's all, and I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

An elderly couple come in for a physical.
After the physical examination the doctor said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife, the first time I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."
After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then asked, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"
"I'm certain that I do," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually around July and the second time is usually in December."

An elderly gentleman married a girl in her early twenties. The wedding went fine and they left on their honeymoon.

The elderly gentleman didn't get right with the program, so he was in a bad mood that night. The young wife felt that he was probably tired and let him sleep for a while.

A couple of hours later being excited for having sex, she decided that this had gone on long enough, but wanted not to appear over anxious and let him be the one in charge. She woke the old fellow up.

"What is the matter", he asked. She replied "This side of the bed is too hard, I want to lie on your side." He got up and walked around the bed, got in on her side and went to sleep.

A few minutes later she was starting to really want to consummate things. She awoke him again. "What now?" He asked. She said, "You know I think I was wrong, maybe that side is more comfortable let me lie on that side." Again he got up walked around, got in, and went to sleep. By this time, she was really ready to make hard, passionate, sex.

She really didn't care at this point how it would appear to him. She awoke him again and said, "No, I was wrong your side is more comfortable. Instead of getting up, why don't you just crawl over me and I will scoot across the bed?" He started over and she stopped him right on top and held him.

"Now, do you know what I really want?", she asked.


Jokes - Guardian angel

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 | 0 comments |

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A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Jokes - Good time

Tuesday, February 24, 2009 | 0 comments |

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Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another. After this and the accompanying small-talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a "good time."

"Look," says the woman, "what do you think I am? I don't turn into a slut after 3 drinks, you know!"

"OK," replies Joe, "so how many does it take?"

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This is the daily schedule of a software engg..
8:30AM: Wake up
8:45AM: Tough decision ; To bathe or not..
8:50AM: Have To..
9:15AM: Punch in..
9:20AM: Check Mail..
9:25AM: Check Again just in case....
9:30AM: Since It is already 9:30 wait for tea(9:45AM)..
9:45AM: TEA party..
10:00AM:Check Mail..
10:05AM:Check again.Can't Believe that no mail has come.
Is every Body dead or what..
10:20AM:Sudden feeling of loneliness and desperation.
Turn around to look for some body (Any body) to talk to..
10:30AM:Found a guy testing something. Feel
real pity for his
pathetic,boring and useless existence..
10:40AM:Sudden urge to get some work done and
fast. Start looking for
the file.Can't remember it's name
11:00AM:Boss summons in his office. Bad sign..
11:30AM:How the hell am i suppose to remember
everything. Why should i
be responsible for everything that goes bad..
11:45AM:Try to locate a scape goat. No body
12:00AM:Mood is really bad decide to postpone
work till after lunch..
1:00PM: Lunch over..
1:10PM: Go for a smoke.Can't even smoke in
this god forsaken place..
1:35PM: Back from a smoke. It was good. I even did not pay
for the cig.. the other chap is so foolish..
1:50PM: Mood is good.Real sleazy thoughts..
2:30PM: Feeling real sleepy after such a
mammoth mental effort..
2:45PM: Tea Time..
3:00PM: Chat and discuss with collegue on the
bad state of the company..
Blame everybody for incompetence and
4:00PM: A guy from testing comes for
4:11PM: Try to look busy..
4:12PM: He is asking for a technical
help.(Real jerk)..
4:15PM: After really making him beg for help
decide to take a look..
4:50PM: No solution found. really angry on the
guy r getting myself involve..
4:55PM: Sudenly boss is spotted in the neighbouring area.
Try make as much loud noise as possible with some
obscure technical jargon thrown in..
5:00PM: Boss has gone back to his den. Coast is clear..
5:05PM: Blame the problem on RnD..
5:10PM: Check mail. 'Yes' a mail has finally arrived..
5:13PM: It's a silly joke and old too. But it felt good..
5:14PM: a quick dash for gate..
5:15PM: Third in punching out..
5:25PM: Reached Room..
5:26PM: TV on.No worth while program..
8:30PM: Still no worth while program.Every body is getting
lazi and irresponsible what will happen to this world
GOD help us.. Curse goverment and RnD..
8:45PM: Food arrives. Pretty bad and stinking..
8:48PM: Dinner finished..
8:50PM: Bay watch. At last some quality..
11:00PM: Mtv Grind. Hmm things are looking up..
12:45PM: Today there were really good programs..
12:46PM: decide to sleep. Tough day ahead..

Chutkule - Magic in Lips

Monday, February 23, 2009 | 0 comments |

this happened once at the new delhi Rly station...there was a honeymoon couple waiting for there train,so to kill time gal goes to her guy .....jaan mere sir main bahoot dard ho raha ...guy goes....hain jaan....then he kisses her on her forehead and says theek ho gaya jaan...gal goes....haan jaan ek dam theek ho gaya....then after a lill while gal goes again ....jaan mere gale main bahoot dard ho raha hai....guy goes hain jaan...and this time he kisses on her neck and asks ...is it fine she says haan jaan....so they keep doing this to every limb of the body not knowing that our taoo was watching them all the way from a distance....so now unable to contol himself after all those kisses and aches taoo comes and goes to the guy.....beta main tane dekh ke bahoot raji hooa ...guy asks kya baat hui...taoo bolya beta tere hooton[lips] main to jadoo hai main sub dekh rhya thaa ki tanne kis tere apni gharwali ka dard seconda main theeek kar diya to beta baat aisi hai mere bade dinna te yo saali bawasir[hemmorroids,piles] ho rhi hei beta too eene bhi theek kar de................

A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.

The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"

To this the the Sardar replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, - "Wash Basin".

A Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile.

When the foreman asked the Sardar why he kept painting less each day,he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."


Jokes - 100 Camels

Sunday, February 22, 2009 | , 0 comments |

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As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them arm loaded with belts.

After an impassioned sales talk that yielded no results, the arab asked where they were from.

"America," the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded.

"She's not from the States."

"Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?"

"Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered..... "I'll give you 100 camels for her."

The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "she's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

Adult jokes - Barbar shop

Saturday, February 21, 2009 | 0 comments |

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."

The barber began to shave his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend

some time in a hotel room."

She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.

The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."

She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."

Jokes - Day off request

Saturday, February 21, 2009 | 0 comments |

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Ria came to her Boss asking for a day off.

Boss said, " so you want the day off:"

After looking at Ria for quite a while, he said -

"Let's take a look at what you are asking for....

There are 365 days per year available for work.

There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.

With a one hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work.

We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and hell will freeze over, if you're going to take that day off!!!" and HHHHH

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A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

Pictures - Nice pussy on job

Friday, February 20, 2009 | 0 comments |



Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer.

Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates and then starts asking him questions.

Following is the transcript :

O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites .

S : Yes Sir.

Officer started asking questions

O : Above

S : Below

O : Front

S : Back

O : Left

S : Right

O : Male

S : Female

O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)

S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)

O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)

S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells it)

O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)

S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L..... Y......(Our Sardar also shouts)

Officer is now angry.

O : Get out

S : Come in.

O : Quiet please.

S : Talk please.

O : You are rejected.

S : I am selected

And he got selected

Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were traveling in the train. They got the reservation in the last compartment of the train.

Then, unfortunately some time later the last compartment of the train derails and these both fellows are seriously injured and are hospitalized.

So meetings and press conferences were arranged, where they were asked for their advices about the betterment of railways, so that no more such accidents take place.

One of the sardarji said immediately that, there should be no last compartment for the train... if at all it is there, it should be shifted to the center of the train.


Adult jokes- vasectomy

Wednesday, February 18, 2009 | 0 comments |

. "I must take every precaution not to get pregnant," said Sherri to her best friend June.

"But I thought you said your hubby (husband) had a vasectomy," June responded.

"He did. That's why I have to take every precaution!" shrieked Sherri.


Man went to police station for filing report for his missing wife:

Man: I lost my wife (misty)

Inspector: what is her height

Man; I never noticed

Inspectior:slim or healthy

Man: not slim can be healthy

Inspector: colour of eyes

Man: Never noticed

Inspector: colour of hair

Man: changes according to season

Inspector: what was she wearing

Man: Saree/suit/ I dont remember exactly

Inspector:was somebody with her ?????????


Man: Yes

my Labra dog (romeo)

tied with a golden chain

height 30 inches


blue eyes,

blackish brown hair

his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken

he never barks

wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls

he likes non veg food

we sleep together

we eat together

we jog together

we__________ _________&

the man started crying

Inspector: Lets search the dog first !!!!!!!!!!!! !

The hotel Astor hired Amanpreet as a new bus driver and instructed him to meet all incoming trains to announce,


On the way to the train station on his first trip, Amanpreet kept repeating to himself, "Free bus to the hotel Astor. Free bus to the hotel Astor," until he had it memorized perfect.

Upon his arrival at the station, however, he became confused at all the noise and hub bub and started shouting:


Pictures - Sexy Legs

Tuesday, February 17, 2009 | 0 comments |


Jokes - Conversation

Monday, February 16, 2009 | 0 comments |

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In a train compartment, there were 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers joined in conversation, which very soon turns to get erotic.

Suddenly, the young girl proposes, "If each of you give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pulled a buck out of their wallet.

The girl then pulled her dress a bit to show her legs to them.

Now she says, "If each of you gentlemen give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pulled out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.

Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"


Jokes- Mistress

Monday, February 16, 2009 | 0 comments |

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A married couple was enjoying a dinner out when a gorgeous blonde walked over to their table, exchanged warm greetings with the husband, and walked away.

"Who was that?" the wife demanded.

"If you want to know," the husband replied, "that was my mistress."

"Your mistress? That's it! I want a divorce!" the wife fumed with anger.

The husband looked her straight in the eye and said, "Are you sure you want to give up our big house in the suburbs, your Mercedes, your furs, your jewelry, and our vacation home in Mexico?"

For a long time they continued dining in silence. Finally, the woman nudged her husband and said, "Isn't that Howard over there? Who's he with?"

"That's HIS mistress," her husband replied.

"Oh," she said, taking a bite of dessert. "Ours is much cuter."

"On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."

"The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."

"Discharge status: Alive but without permission."

"Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."

"The patient refused an autopsy."

"The patient has no past history of suicides."

"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."

"Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."

"Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."

"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."

"She is numb from her toes down."

"The skin was moist and dry."

"Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."

"Patient was alert and unresponsive."

"She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."

"I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."

"The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead."

"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."

"Skin: Somewhat pale but present."

"Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree."

"By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart stopped, and he was feeling better."

"The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."

"When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."

"Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."

"The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."

"The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."

optimistic chicken

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passersby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"

The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."


A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

Jokes - Flight school

Saturday, February 14, 2009 | , 0 comments |

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Judi went to a Flight school insisting the owner she wanted to learn to fly that day.

As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly.

The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.

He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."

Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a bottle of liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles. The Priest walked up and asked him what he was doing? Little Johnny replied, "I'm looking at the most powerful liquid in the world."

The Priest said, "But Johnny, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world. Did you know that if you put Holy Water on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a boy!"

Little Johnny said, "Big deal! This is turpentine. If you put this on a cat's ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson!"


Links - Viral Link

Friday, February 13, 2009 | 0 comments |

This one is called ViraLink (great name!) and was masterminded by Andy Coates. Got it from A Day In The Life. Be sure to read the post about it over at his blog, as you may not understand it at first, but I assure you this could be a nice little link builder here. Instructions below:

1.) Copy and paste the entire matrix of “ViralTags” below.

2.) Substitute the Host Tag and one of the “ViralTags” in the matrix with your anchor text of choice containing your blog’s URL. Please keep anchor text to a maximum of 3 words to keep the matrix size manageable.

3.) When you get a ping back from someone that has your link in one of their “ViralTags”, practice good karma by copying his/her Host Tag’s anchor text (automatically the associated link will also be copied) and paste it over one of your “ViralTags” below.

4.) Encourage and invite your readers to do the same and soon this can grow virally.

==== Copy and Paste below this line ====

Host Tag: the chutkule

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Important: Once I get a ping back from you, I will add your anchor text and the associated link you designate as “Host Tag” here, replacing one of the “ViralTags” from the matrix above. As more and more bloggers copy and paste this matrix, the more backlinks you will have from your anchor text. If everybody who copies and pastes from your blog does the same, pretty soon this will spread and go viral. Remember, the sooner you participate, the more links you will receive!

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