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1. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette.

2. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. – Socrates

3. Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. – Dumas

4. The great question... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want? - Sigmund Freud

5. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. – Anonymous

6. "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henny Youngman

7. "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Sam Kinison

8. "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran

9. "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." - Patrick Murray

10. You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Henny Youngman