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An old man goes to a Social Security office to apply for benefits but forgets his ID. The social worker says, "Just unbutton your shirt."

The old man complies, and the social worker says, "The gray chest hairs are all the proof I need," and gives him his check.

The man tells his wife, who responds, "If you'd dropped your pants, you'd have gotten disability, too!"

Little Johnny and two of his friends were sitting on a front porch one day after school. Billy looked down the street and saw a bright red Corvette. "Some day I'm gonna be a lawyer so I can buy me one of those Corvettes," he said.

Robbie looked over at the driveway next to the Corvette and saw a brand new Ferrari. "I'm gonna be a doctor," he said, "so I can get me a fast Ferrari."

Little Johnny looked over at the other two and replied, "I'm gonna learn how to suck dick when I grow up."

The other two jaws dropped. "That's what my sister does, and she owns both of those cars," explained Little Johnny.