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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good, " said the teacher.

"Now, Lucy?" "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. The moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't fuck with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery.

He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years. "

Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price.

Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs.

Sardar asked for Rs.1000.

Vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, only Rs.900.

Vendor told ok, I will give it for Rs. 1500 Rs. for which Sardar bargained for Rs.750.

It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost

"Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."

Pictures - Checkup

Sunday, November 22, 2009 | View Comments

checkup

Drive into th sea

Adult jokes - Blowjob

Saturday, November 21, 2009 | View Comments

Three women are talking about their boyfriends.

"It's funny," says Samantha, "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when I'm giving him a blow job!"

"You know what?" replies Jenny, "It's exactly the same with my Richard!"

They turn to the third girl.

"That's disgusting! I never put his thing in my mouth!"

"You're crazy," one of the girls pipes up. "A good blow job is the best way to keep a guy! You should try it!"

She says she'll think about it.

The next morning, they meet at the cafe and the blow job novice is sporting a wicked shiner.

"Whoa!" the first girl asks, "How did you get that black eye?!"

"Chris hit me when I was blowing him," she said.

"What on earth for?!" the second girl asks.

"I don't know," she replied. "All I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as Pete and Richard's are so cold!"

A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted.

At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class.

She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "oh miss, oh miss!" with his arm pumping.

"Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm.

Little Johnny stood up and proclaimed to the class, "At our house, we have everything."

"Don't be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has everything."

"We do," he answered, "My daddy said so the other day."

"Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked.

"Well, my fifteen year old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend, and told poppa she was pregnant. That's when my dad said, "God, that's all we needed."

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl

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An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.

Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?

Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

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Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.

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Santa and Banta went for a drive.

Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?

Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"

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Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...

Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.

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Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?

Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.

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Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home . The steering, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.

After sometime he calls again: I am coming , earlier I sat on the back seat.